That old Mermaid lie…

Poems/Short Stories/Flash fiction/Review

Revision Food

This is just a quick post, as I too, like some others have been off the blog scale.

Not because of anything in particular, but because I don’t really have much to offer or say. I’ve been thinking a lot of about my writing recently, getting yelled at by Liam, or my friends saying “I’m sure it’ll be fine” all over this one piece of work that I can’t stop thinking about.

I won’t go into much detail but at the moment, I’ve fallen into a damp spot, where as I much as I try and push forward, the piece nibbles on my knees and …..

I will finish this when I am no longer being monitored.

I feel I am about to be reprimanded.

Here, quickly, is some revision food from me, it is an apple and cinnamon bread and I got the recipe off a website called foodgeeks. It’s not too unhealthy, as it is a bread based treat as opposed to a cake, and even though, yeah okay, it’s not like eating an actual apple you won’t feel as much of a pig eating this, as you would sitting there scoffing a triple layered chocolate cake.

Also, this recipe is measured by mugs and tea spoons instead of scales, so is perfect for students.

(The recipe is just for apple bread, but as you’ll notice it does have 1 tsp of cinnamon, and you can a few more if you’d like it to be more cinnamon-y. I won’t be making this today, as I’m still at Liam’s and this is a cinnamon-less land, however, I will be making this…..)

The Joys Of Banana Bread

Everybody should eat banana bread, even if you don’t particularly like bananas. As like the apple bread, you don’t feel as guilty eating it, it’s measured by cups and is really simple and easy to make, and is a great potassium filled snack when you’re revising.

It’s also very economical, and another one which is esp good for students, as you are advised to use over ripe bananas – ones which are blackening (slightly, no zombie rotters please) therefore it saves you from throwing out any (potentially) still good food.

And, if you’re anything like me and think: mould? what mould, and slyly scrape it off with a knife and use it anyway, then this is right up your street.

(Liam: what you doing jess?

Me: Revising.

Liam: No you’re not, I saw you reading Kate’s blog.

Me: I’m revising now.

Liam: I know you’re not revising, just tell me what you’re doing.

Le sigh.

Me: I’m blogging about recipes.

Liam: (sarcastically) Yeah… probably the best thing to do at this point)

Some will get banana bread, others will not.

Here is the recipe for banana bread. This is off a website called simply recipes and again, like the apple bread, is extremely simple and easy to make.

And has brought happiness and unboundless joy to everyone who has tried it.



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The Slump

Imagine being stuck in a ditch

The dirt and the itch

of the worms on your skin

It’s too late to begin

you’ve fallen way in 

There’s not thick and no thin

to stand your way through

just the black pit and you

You lay your head back

cold earth on your bed

you forget hope, forget to pray

you decide here to stay

in the dirt, in the slump

and it’s when you give up.

Right now, it’s that knowing

I could have spent longer on this poem

I could have whole wrote a real entry

I could have done plenty

I could glide out of this “could be’s”

and out of these “should be’s”

and somewhere I’d find me

that’s how it should be.

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Up in my lonely room when I’m dreaming of….. suicidal clowns apparently/ My guide to waking up at 2am after a bad dream

Okay. I’ll admit;

I’m a little bit scared of the dark.

Don’t laugh at me. I googled our house before we moved in and came across this blog which someone put

realllllly casually like, “oh yeah we used to live in Priory house in the seventies. We all thought it was haunted. Haha.”



Not “Haha.”

I have to live there – it’s not a haha situation when you wake up at 2am, and can’t get back to sleep and all you can think of is how weird your dream was and how you hope that when you look down to the sink to wash the remainders tea out of your cup, you don’t raise your hand to see something ghoulish standing behind you trying to eat your head or whatever.

I can’t believe this is the second time I’ve blogged and I’m gonna end up talking about my dream AGAIN. Is this turning into a dream blog? I really need to do something good on this blogs or no one will ever follow it.

So I’m going to write a guide on “What to do when you wake up after a bad dream, and are a little bit scared.”

Some people pretend that this shit doesn’t happen to him, ahem, I mean them, like someone I know will pretend to be really brave and I-don’t-believe-in-ghosts-and-people-that-do-are-stupid, which is fine, it’s a great attitude to have, but I reckon that it’s easy to shake a person, and we’re all scared of death in some way or another, whether it’s us or losing someone that’s close to us, there are a couple ways your sub-concious can really fuck you over when it comes to dreams.

And, whatever, I don’t care; you can laugh but I’m 21 and dreams still scare the crap out of me, and if you say that they don’t you’re lieeeeeeeeing.

After I watched paranormal activity for the first time (I’m the type of person who loves horrors but is terrified by them afterward – that’s why I love them – for the THRILL.) I noticed there was a guide on “What to do after watching this film,” I.E how to sleep and not be TERRIFIED OF DEMONS. I’ll admit, I needed this guide.

So, I’ll admit I am a massive whimp when it comes to this stuff, so here’s my guide on “What to do after a scary dream.”

Dreams are are at their worse and most evil when they do stuff like this:

1. Threaten your life in a realistic way.

2. Throw it something really unrealistic but terrifying, for example in my dream there was a team of suicidal acrobat clowns that wanted me to join their club, once it was a woman covered in blood at the end of my bed (I offered her a towel, she just stared at me so “I” well “dream me” legged it.)

3. Add something else stupidly realistic, for example, when I had this scary woman dream, me and my subconcious must have really fallen out because the dream presented itself in an episodic 3 part show in my head; Firstly, I woke up to see a shadow man running out of the room, so I chased him into the hall-way, then he began to move towards me in a shadowy fashion so ofcourse, I legged it.

Then, I WOKE UP. I was somewhere else where something bad happened again – I don’t remember what truly happened as the next segment blew my mind (in a bad way.) Then, I woke up properly.

Or so I thought.

Bear in mind, I’ve had TWO bad dreams now, in both of which I’ve woken up so obviously I’m thinking that I’ve woken up for real.

I open my eyes. It’s my room and it’s exactly the same as usual, (flies flying everywhere – we had a fly infestation problem in our flat last year; worst problem ever) dream catcher swinging and a cool breeze on my face from the open window, yes everything is normal, so I must be awake….

Oh no wait, when I look to my left, there’s a bloody woman eyeing me up.

My first reaction; Oh shit she is real.

My second reaction; it’s a dream it’s a dream it must be a dream it must be…

Luckily, it was a dream but I was really terrified when I woke up, like I was shaking.

Thus, I’ve decided to share my guide on “How to avoid feeling like you’re in a horror film when you’ve first woken up after a horrrrrrible dream,” (it’s a working title.)

1. PUT THE LIGHTS ON. Scary thing usually happen in the dark, I always feel a lot better with the lights on than chilling in the dark, I feel like I’m waiting for the ring girl to just come crawling out of the blackness. So I can do her hair….

2. Think of amusing things. I’m not really that much of a funny person, so I just try to imagine stupid things happening, like for example, if the ring girl or the grudge did come out at you in the middle of the night what could you do?

– For the Ring girl, easy give her a hair-cut, braid it, give her a makeover, lend her some dry clothes – think about she’s been in a well for years, she would probably really appreciate it if you did that, maybe you could take her on a night out – west street live? Find her a nice boy to take back to her well.

– The Grudge – “Would you like a neck massage?” Easy.

– Any or ghouls or goblins or stuff like that – Put a film on, popcorn, cups of tea. No one can possibly eat your head when you’re being that nice to them.

And actually, googling the film really helps me because it reminds me that it’s actually JUST A FILM.

Samara Morgan, who plays the scary well-dweller in Ring Two actually has to go through a hell of a lot of makeup from being a sweet little angel to the evil version of Tangled.

Here’s a pic of here as a sweet little angel:

3. Back to dreams (let’s stay on topic here shall we..) Try to find out what your dream means, all over the internet, is forums and websites that if you type in an image or an element from your dream it will generate a response. Okay, some of them are bull-shit let’s be honest, but some of these forums are rooted in physcology (Carl Jung is a good person to look up if you’re interested in the pyschology of dreams btw.)

Plus, if you don’t mind waiting you can send your dream into forums and people can try and work it out for you.

Work out what your dream means at; – This teaches you how to interpret your own dreams and the dreams of others, or you could also do what I do and pretend; “Oh yeah a spider? Well, a spider has eight legs so you fear that there’s a lot of misfortune creeping up on you slowly, and you have a lot of problems to tackle, but the symbolism of the spider means you could always spin a web, you need a safety neck to combat it.” bla bla bla.

4. Put a fun song or you-tube video, I have an imagination that WILL NOT STOP and it is surely to be my down-fall when it comes to having a bad dream, I should be grown up but I find myself eyeing up my door and under my bed waiting for something to crawl out or burst through.


So I put on “Hey I just met you and this is crazy, so here’s my number so call me maybe.”


“Aint nobody got time for that!”

Because let’s face it, no bad things can happen when you’ve got the amazing Miss Sweet Brown on the go.

Just tell the scary monsters that you just ain’t got time for that:

(Check out Russel Brand’s cheesy line at the end of the clip, like the end line of a serious version of one of JD from scrub’s famous musings.)

Cheerio guys!

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How do I….

See whose following me, not the number but the people themselves, their blog sites?

Look at who I’m following, not in the dashboard but as a list of wordpress sites?

Anyone know? This would be so helpful.

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Birthday Parties

Birthday Parties

Throw daggers at the rainbow

Careless colours pain the room

Colour me with this chaos

Then shut me up with a baloon

Hallways and bedrooms

and burning words

Scorch my new sunshine

And see the absurd

One stupid gesture

One flash look after look

Slow return glances

and words are mistook

You ask the questions

You know all the answers

You play with the fire

The flame is your dancer

I looked around my party

and all I was seeing

was a reasonless world

where people were being

And I stepped back in my being

too far back to see

And I stopped asking “why”

And I just let them be


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Reasons why having an over active imagination is baaaaaad when you want to just sleep!!!

This is why it’s 4 am and I’m up, in the kitchen, with the dog, because it’s safe here!!



Every subtle change of light

steals a beat sudden from my heart

and every tiny click or buzz

is enough to make me start


Every passing shadow is

my mortal enemy

and deep within fears clutches

is a tiny quaking me


And so I cannot sleep


The subtle step of a bathroom body

is the heavy foot of my collector

and hiding in my feeble covers

My world has no protector


For at this mortal hour

there’s no comfort in my bed

it’s just the nightmare spectres

that blanket me in dread


And so I cannot sleep.


And I pray let me sleep

but no one hears my breath

just an alarming shadow

shuffles to the left


And when tommorrow dawns

for early I am rising

If I fall sleepily in my cereal

it would not be suprising.


But for now I cannot sleep.


And as the good ship sleep

has left me on the shore

Just a little side note

before I try to sleep once more:

Turning this torment into poetry

doesn’t make the torture go

You would think it would help me to sleep

You would think BUT NO.


The Mountain

Work in Progress!! I wrote on my phone as we we were driving to the actual mountain from the place we were staying; the ben nevis inn. I was just messing around and it was early, so excuse the dodgy can’t-make-my-mind up rhyme scheme and the bits that are like …hang on what? haha.



Morning air; fresher than a cold shower;

The scent of the grass and the scent of the hour.

And the still;

the figure of the silent hills.

The mountain stares with pointed eyes,

and points with jagged fingers.

I wear armor of man-made protection,

but the trees are an army in one clear direction.

No sound of music, but the slow breath of life;

sheep sleep haunted by dreams of the blade of a knife.

The rock face is falling; a frozen disaster;

on the back of my heels there lies yesterday’s plaster.

We’ll give you a road to ride down in cars;

We’ll give you a mountain although it’s not ours.

It’s quiet up there, as quiet as night.

As still as a grave-stone, but the slow beat of life.

All life that glides silent across the rock face

is a life-stone hushed silent by the speechless rock race.

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Sea sea sea-men (A poem)

This is a really random poem I made up one night when bored, it is a Work In Progress which basically means if it’s rubbish you can’t shout at me 🙂

If you were at sea, a sandy kiss I’d place upon your mouth.

I’d hide a stream of cockel shells inside a mermaid’s pouch.

I would not ask for storms and stars to bow to the wind or waves;

I would not want your broken heart or your love to save.

I’d tell you, “let me lie in sand and sand,

the rocks and tide have no demands

we all have sand between our toes

and go where the water goes.

If you want to be with me and lie under the sun,

then gather up my shells one by one,

and let them be your faithful guide

and shell out and shell down by my side.

ARGHHHH. I started writing in aabb then half way through I went to abab so then I had to change it to aabb, it doesn’t flow as well. Oh well.

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What to expect from this blog.

Okay. Someone told me my blog was boring because I did nothing on it. That was quite true. Over the summer I’ve been in a massive slump, woe-is-me, I’m-so-down blah blah blah.

But, then I realized it’s because I wasn’t doing anything, I felt a bit useless because I had no projects going on, no purpose really. So I decided to dedicate the summer to two things I love: Writing and Art.

And because I used to do Art but no longer do I am back to square one, which is a lot like learning to play guitar, you’re shit-you’re shit-practise-still shit-practise-practise-practise-awful-practise-practise-oh you can play the guitar.

Or so I’ve heard.

SO as I learn new things and write new things and draw things I’m going to post everything on this blog, like everything because I feel that having stuff on the internet means that it won’t be accidentally deleted or lost forever. It’s safe in it’s vastness.

So I’ll be writing (I hope, unless I fall off the radar again)

Music reviews

Film reviews

Anything reviews

How to guides (as I learn, it’s going up on the blog)

Short stories

Flash fictions



I hope.


This is a picture of 3 unhappy people. The rain is a metaphor for their slump in attitude.

The blonde is me (even though right now I’m an accidental ginge) and this is how I do not wish to feel again due to lack of activity)

Also my blog has no photos. And I want photos dammit!Image

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That Old Mermaid Lie…..


This is my first post so I decided to name it after my blog name, ‘coz why not? ”

I didn’t have a clue what to write so I thought I’d start going on about a dream I had last night because after-all dreams are what you talk about when you really don’t know what to say or the dream is really funny…

Instead of go on and on and on and on about the dream, I’ve made into a poem – basically the main thing that happened, aside from me winning the hunger games which was set in a house (and btw I am in no way a violent person, just for some reason I had a dream where lots of people around my age were trying to kill me so instead, I killed them…. erm yeah. And I have recently seen the hunger games so that’s probably what it was about except there was no romantic ending –  I just went home.)

Oh god the brackets have taken over again.

Basically, what struck me as the strangest thing in the dream, was the way me and my cousin, who was with me in the first scene of the dream (yeah I dream in scenes) were trying to get rid of these vampire elves who were chatting up, so we did the whole “boyfriend drop” thing.

You know the boyfriend drop, where some-one is chatting you up and you want them to go away and you casually “drop” your boyfriend into the conversation, for example “you sound just like my boyfriend.”

The one time I had to do the boyfriend drop was with this overweight ex drug dealer guy who after telling me his life story (he sold drugs, he’d been to prison etc etc etc) the one thing he was really ashamed about was his recent job as “a bouncer.”


(Tbh, though bouncers are dicks but that’s another story, “I’ll let you come in if you and your friends go to Mcdonalds and bring us back some coffees” – oh the things you do to get into the Krazy House at sixteen)

But in the fantasy land in my dream, where apparently Emily (my cousin) and I walk along stone walls that run along dark scary forest accompanied by vampire elves, the way to get rid of said unwanted Vampire Elf is to tell him that you are, infact, not an Elf (I think it must have been our midget height that lead them astray) but a Mermaid, and then show them your tale – that puts them right off.

So yeah, here’s the poem;

I’m gonna call it

“Forest Friends” (Maybe, I’ll probs spruce it up and call it something else later but for now)

I tip toe along the edge of stone walls that have with grey eyes seen this  land and further

is that why they’re breaking at the edges?

Do they split with the weight of trying to hold the forest in, bound, around they are

the darkness doors and ledges

I’m walking alongside the blackness, trees like hunters smile with slash wounds

and hold out wooden claws to catch and to be fed

I pray for the dawn to with gold paint splash some life into these ghouls

but I always feel sad when I see the face of the dead

Best keep them in the dark for now, they may whisper things I want to hear

But Ali Baba tells me I have work to do, keep a clear head

So from callings and promises I keep myself from falling, and my head clear

I ask her why we’re here today and why not anywhere else in the world?

She says we have a task to do

And we can’t be distracted, alas, we must, keep, on task

so we venture into a clearing new

There we meet such little men

With feet and claws but smiling faces

They are blue and there are ten

And say they wish to take us places

But the faces bear some strange sharp looks

beneath their placid eyes

and Ali whispers let us not be mistook

by some sweet smurf looking guys

The forest whispers still dark cries

and beckons us to jump in

But morning keeps our hearts alive

and our heads away from sin

The men say, spend some time ladies; how good it is to meet us

Ali Baba says Dear gentleman, we cannot stay

We are such different creatures

For with the land and the sun you play

But King Neptune rules our hearts

so whilst your hearts and mind likes ours, with promise may be brimming

This is a tale in which we must part

And with this tale told, with our tails, men, we must be swimming.

If you read this, thankyou for taking your time to read my first blog entry; it has been an extremely weird experience sharing the non sensical ramblings of my brain with the internet, even though no ones read this yet (and probably the only people who will read it are my friends Add and Kate who will probs me my only followers for a long while haha) I am actually kind of red already!

And for anyone who didn’t read it, well you’re not missing much.

But you wouldn’t know you’re not missing much as you didn’t read it.

Oh, how the mind boggles.

Goodnight… blog world…?